Dynamic Yet Consistent

We are at about the one month point since our big move (depending on how you count it).  And while in general things have gone very smoothly, there is one area that has been especially impressive: Mikayla’s reaction to the transition.

We have known since early on in our daughter’s life that she was pretty special; she is incredibly good natured, adjusts well to change, and is always happy.  But, we knew this move of 9,000 miles, 7 time zones, and two hemispheres might be a bit much.  However, Mikayla has never waivered.  She has been happy, and spunky, and open to change, and has taken everything in stride.

Just think all that she has been through in the last 2-3 month.  She has:

• Seen all of the furniture in her house slowly dismantled and given away.
• Had nearly all of her toys given away or sold.
• Moved out of the only house she has ever known into a borrowed room.
• Had the few possessions she still owns packed, unpacked, and repacked countless times.
• Put up with parents who were stressed, sad, anxious and excited.
• Endured trips all over as we tried to cram in last minute visits.
• Had her sleep routine totally disrupted.
• Said to goodbye to all her family and friends.
• Taken 72 hours to move across the world.
• Flown on three planes for over 25 hours of flight time.
• Been drug through more airport terminals than we can count.
• Had to sleep in front of a ticket counter because we missed our flight.
• Put up with her parents as they stressed about their travel plans.
• Moved into a third home in less than two months.
• Gone from a crib to a toddler bed to a mattress on the floor to a couch to a twin bed and back to a mattress on the floor.
• Had to travel over an hour for any "quick trips into town."
• Lost access to things like parks and play areas.
• Been mobbed by kids twice her size because they are so interested in her.
• Tried to figure out why everyone speaks funny.
• Been kicked out of church (twice) and Sunday School.
• Had to get used to her Dad working again and her Mom being home.
• Traded the family dog for two new mission dogs.
• Had two new family members introduced (the twins).
• Been forced to share attention, food, and toys with these new kids.
• Been kicked out of her room again.
• Had to get used to taking showers instead baths.
• And, has made all new  friends.

Yet, in spite of all these changes and struggles, Mikayla is still the same resilient, cheerful child she has always been.  She has not skipped a beat, has barely shown any jealousy and hasn’t even been cranky.  All of that is a lot for anyone to go through, let alone a two-year old.  Forget the "Terrible Twos," Mikayla has demonstrated the "Terrific Twos"… and did I mention she was a SuperStar.  I am pretty sure she has handled the transition better than we have!

Here is a video walk through of our new home.  Just as a side note, don’t expect many more videos… it took almost two hours to upload this one and fortunately we found a loophole in our internet connection so we were not charged for the whole time.

My last blog post was from my kindle and was typed in the middle of night stuck in Newark airport due to a missed flight.  At the time, things were still pretty up in the air, so I figured you would probably like to hear the rest of the story.  If you follow my twitter feed (@kickert) you will least know we arrived in Africa, but getting there was interesting.

After missing our connection in Newark, I ended up staying up the entire night so Beth and Mikayla could catch some sleep while I watched our stuff.  We basically took over a corner of the ticketing area and made a fort:

Part of the reason we stayed at the airport instead of getting a hotel (besides the fact Continental refused to help us cover the costs) is because our bags were at some indeterminate location: they came in on Continental, were supposed to go to Lufthansa on the connection, our rebooking was for an earlier Lufthansa flight, but it was being handled by United.  With so many transitions we wanted to be able to physically see our bags to make sure they made it with us.  That meant bugging the baggage agents every hour until they found our stuff. (On a side note, I have never encountered customer service employees as rude and unconcerned as the people at Continental in Newark.  I could write a whole blog on that!)

Eventually they found our bags (actually I saw them rolling past on a luggage cart and recognized them and made them give them to me) so we  could recheck in on our next flight.  It was nice to have our luggage with us because we could get extra clothes out and have the peace of mind that it would probably make it on the plane with us, but it also meant we had to move it all around by ourselves on undersized baggage carts.

I felt pretty confident in my packing ability…

…until we found the cart couldn’t fit through the elevator door.

Once we changed terminals to check in, we found that Lufthansa did not open their ticketing counters until much later in the day.  We were hoping to check in early so we could get rid of our luggage and then go back into the secure area, but no such luck.  We were fortunate enough for Mikayla to find another small child to play with.  That helped pass the time.  I was also able to grab a 45 minute nap which was nice.

Eventually Lufthansa opened their counter and things seemed to be going well until they tried to charge us for our "extra" baggage.  If you will remember, I was already upset because Lufthansa had promised 2 free bags, but Continental had charged us b/c they were the airline of origination.  I flatly refused.  Fortunately, we had a great agent who was very patient and realized the fee was a mistake due to the rebooking.  In fact, she even went out of her way to let us pick our seats.  We got seats right behind first class so we had extra legroom and no seats in front of us for Mikayla to kick.  She even promised to try her best to improve our tickets on our final leg.

20 hours after we landed in Newark we were finally on our way to Germany (we were supposed to have a 2 hour layover).  We were able to talk with the sisters and they were able to extend their stay in South Africa.  I was also able to get in touch with my friend Ben in Frankfurt and he was able to rearrange his schedule to still meet us at the airport.  Overall the flight across the Atlantic was uneventful and even a bit relaxing after what we had been through so far.

Upon landing, I decided to go ahead and get our boarding passes for our next flight before we left customs.  That is when things started getting interesting again.  It turns out that when we were rebooked, they had us listed as standby, but neither the rebooking agent, nor the Lufthansa agent mentioned that to us.  Not only were we on standby, but the flight itself was overbooked.  Frustrated, we walked away to try and figure out what we should do.  I couldn’t imagine the sisters being excited about staying two days extra.

After thinking about things for a bit, I decided to go back to the Lufthansa agents to figure out my chances of getting off standby and actually on the flight.  At least we could try and plan better if we knew how things might turn out.  The agent told us that we had a slightly better than 50% chance of getting a seat.  We took what we could get and headed through customs into Germany.  Mikayla played at a playground in the terminal and we grabbed a quick snack to wait for Ben.

It was very cool to be able to catch up with him when he finally did arrive.  It had been 13 years since I was in Germany visiting him, and almost 7 years since Beth was in the country visiting.  At this point we were all in great need of a shower.  Ben took us back to his apartment where we were able to freshen up and grab a bite of real food.  Mikayla took a quick nap, but eventually we had to wake her up.  She was so tired she fell asleep in the shower.

We then went back to Ben’s parents’ house.  It was pretty cool to revisit the place I stayed for 3 weeks back when I was 16.  Lots of memories came back that I had forgotten.  The Dornhoffs are incredible hosts.  We had coffee and cake and Ben’s mother played with Mikayla for quite a while.

We headed back to the airport to try and figure things out.  We said bye to Ben and head through customs.  We were told our best bet to get off standby was to be at the gate as early as possible, so we made sure we were there over 3 hours before the flight left.  While that was probably good advice, it didn’t do us any good because the flight actually left an hour after we thought and the agents didn’t get to the gate until an hour and half before that.

By far, this was the most stressful part of the trip because we were in limbo not knowing if we were going to make it out of the country that day.  You could say that the worst part was knowing that it could be worse.  This was the only point of our entire journey where I was so anxious I needed to take a Xanax.

Once we did talk to an agent, we were told that even though we were first on standby, things were still not looking good.  They didn’t tell us our chances, but by the way they were talking to us, I have a feeling we were below the 50% mark.  The one comforting thing was knowing that if we did have to stay another night, at least we had people in the area who could pick us up and give us a place to stay.

Once people started loading the plane, we got more stressed out.  Beth and I talked about our options and decided that if we could only get one ticket we all would stay, but if we could get two tickets only, Beth and Mikayla would fly out and I would follow the next day with the rest of our stuff and rent a car.  We divided our stuff up so that could work if it needed to.

With about 10 minutes left before the plane was scheduled to leave the gate, the agents began looking to see if any of the standbyers could get on.  With great relief, I heard my name called.  We all got three tickets, but they were all separate.  I told them there was no way Mikayla could be in a seat apart from us.  They took our tickets and tried to work something out.  The best they could do was get us all in the same section of the plane and hope something could work out.  We took what we could and board the plane with all our stuff.

I am sure the people who had already boarded were not excited to see us come on dragging all our stuff and obviously holding up their departure.  The flight attendants were able to get Mikayala and Beth together, but I was a couple seats over in a different row.  That was fine by me… at least we were on the plane.  But then, something really cool happened.  The guy in the row with Beth and Mikayla heard what was happening and about our journey so far and offered to switch me seats.  He traded a window seat for a center seat in the center section for an 11 hour flight.  Let me tell you… that guy should be nominated for sainthood!  It made the whole flight much easier with all three of us next to each other.

This last leg of our journey was great.  The service was astounding, the food was great, and it was long enough that all of us could get some decent rest.

We landed in Jo-burg and made it through customs without any problem.  Our luggage all arrived and the only problem we had was some of Beth’s mouthwash leaked.  We met the sisters at the gate and were ready to leave.

The whole way to the vehicle you could tell the sisters were a bit nervous.  They had been in South Africa long enough that they had their own luggage with them and they were afraid our stuff wouldn’t all fit.  There was even talk of one of them catching a bus back to Swaziland.  On any other trip, this would have been a concern to me, but after our journey so far, this seemed like a minor issue.  I had actually already thought about this possible problem and thus had packed parachute cord so we could strap things to the roof.  We packed what we could into the SUV and strapped one bag to the top.  No worries at all.

The drive back to St. Phillips took about 6 hours, but was thankfully relatively uneventful.  Sister Barbara was pulled over twice for speeding, but was able to sweet talk her way out of a ticket both times.  The border crossing was easy and they didn’t even want to check our bags.  Excellent!

We grabbed pizza on the way home, got back to the mission, unloaded our stuff and were finally able to breath easy.

From the time we left Bowling Green to the time we arrived at St. Phillips, our entire journey took 72 hours.  By contrast, if our original flight had landed 15 minutes sooner, we would have only had a 48 hour trip, and if we had flown South African Air, it would have been a 35 hour trip.

I must say, in all of this, Mikayla was a super star.  This trip could have been much worse if our toddler had chosen to be a brat, but the worst she got was the last 15 minutes of our flight when she decided to kick the seat of the guy in front of her.  If that is all we have to deal with, I am super happy.

Our first night we headed to bed early.  Mikayla got 15 hours of sleep and Beth and I got 12.  Normally I would think jetlag would be an issue, but our trip was so crazy our bodies had no idea what time it was.

I will end this post with a touching note.  Once we had everything unpacked and all our stuff figured out, I asked Mikayla where we were.  I was hoping she would say "Africa" or "Swaziland" to show she understood that we had just made the transition we had been talking about, but what she said was even more significant. 

"Mikayla, where are we?" I asked.

"Home" she said…. and she was right.  After a month of being displaced and in crazy transition, we have found our new home… and things are great here.

Right now it is the calm before (in the midst?) of the storm.  We leave Bowling Green in about 3 hours and family is scheduled to arrive any moment now.  Last night we said our goodbyes to close friends and didn’t finish our packing until a few minutes ago.  It has been a crazy few weeks.  It would have been nice to have a few more hours or days, but we have been planning this transition for over 4 years now so I can’t really complain.

Mikayla is very excited about this departure.  We have tried our best to prepare her and she certainly has a grasp of what is about to happen; but of course there is no way she can comprehend how much her life is about to change.

We have about 50 hours of traveling between Bowling Green, KY and St. Phillips Swaziland and that might be interesting with a toddler.  The sisters are meeting us at the airport on Thursday morning and then we have a 5 hour drive to get there.  It sounds like we will have some time to settle in, but there is so much to be done, I have a feeling I will jump in pretty quickly.  It will be nice to have Beth at home to help get things in order.

Lots of thoughts going through my head now.  We are certainly going to miss our friends and family, but I realize it is much different to live overseas now than it was even 5 years ago.  We may not reliable internet, but things like Skype and Facebook will keep us connected when we have access to them.

It is at times like this that the title of my blog, "Dynamic yet consistent" takes special meaning.  A whole lot has changed in our lives in the last 5-10 years, but looking back it is obvious that we have been moving in an intentional direction.  And while today’s move is pretty substantial, it is simple another step towards where we have been heading for years.  I am sure 5-10 years from now things will again look much different, but I am confident the movement will be consistent and for the better.

We will do our best to keep you posted.

Looking forward,

-bk

The day started out cold and dreary – unseasonably so for mid-May in Kentucky.  It would have been easy to stay inside and waste the day watching TV and surfing the internet.  But, Mikayla and I had plans and we weren’t going to let the weather affect us.  We decided to go hiking at a small lake in northern Warren County called Shanty Hollow (a popular climbing spot for locals).

Ran into a guy I went to college with and he snapped a few pictures for us.

Our destination was the waterfall.  Mikayla enjoyed it, but had much more fun just throwing rocks in the water.

Many people know about the waterfall, but don’t take the time to follow the creek down where it cuts through the rock and makes a very cool ravine.

We then hiked out along the creek bed, stopping every 100 feet or so for Mikayla to throw more rocks into the water.  Although it was a bit cool and a bit wet, it ended up being a great morning to be out.  Here is a video of Mikayla throwing rocks!

Here is Mikayla’s tough girl look.  She picked some honey-suckles and then wanted to walk the last quarter mile on her own (up until then she had mostly ridden on my  back).

Our last stop was the lake shore… where of course she entertained herself by throwing more rocks.  She also found a hawk feather laying on the trail.

Overall it was a great morning that served as a simple reminder of the joys of getting off your butt and into nature.  I figure we had better enjoy the cold, wet weather, because the next several years won’t have much of it!

Today is Mikayla’s 18 month birthday.  A lot has happened in the last year and a half and I could not imagine how we could have been more blessed by her.  Having this mile marker come, coupled with the fact that she is learning her letters and I have been going through my old Hebrew textbooks has me reflecting on the origins of her name.

[Mikayla Lillian Kickert about to leave the hospital]

Many of you know the subtle nuances we chose to include when naming our daughter Mikayla Lillian Kickert.  First, Lillian is her great grand-mother’s name – a woman my wife greatly respected (Obviously the "Kickert" part came from me and my family).  We chose Mikayla for several reasons.  Most importantly we want to pay tribute to one of my heroes – Martin Luther King Jr. – by  giving her the initials MLK.  (I wonder how many white girls are named after King?).  But the name Mikayla also carries with it special meaning.

Traditionally "Mikayla" is said to mean "a godly woman."  It is a feminine derivative of the name Michael and has its origins in the Hebrew language:

We just happened to be thinking through baby names while I was taking several Hebrew courses at seminary and because of that I was able to recognize there is actually another way to translate "Mikayla."  It can also mean "who is like these":

Considering her initials point to a civil rights hero and her other names come from highly regarded family members, this reading carries extra weight.  Whether we use it to refer to a godly woman or to a person who is like "these" influential people, we are projecting a sincere desire that our daughter grow up as a person whom others would want to emulate.

Words are powerful and names (usually) last a lifetime.  18 months ago we were intentional about choosing our daughter’s name so that she would always be reminded of godly people who are willing and able to change the world.

Happy half-birthday Mikayla.

…I guess the real question should be "Where have I been?"

The month of October has been a blur for the Kickerts. 

At the beginning of the month we took a quick trip to Colorado and Utah as a family.  It was the first real vacation Beth and I have taken since we went to DC back in 2005.  It was also Mikayla’s first flight (we used it as a bit of a test run for the 22 hour plane ride coming up for us in July).

We flew into Denver and spent the day at the Children’s Museum.  Later that day we walked around downtown and tracked down some ice cream.  The next day we visited a cool place called the Butterfly Pavilion and headed up to Fort Collins.  Once our "city trips" were done we headed to Rocky Mountain National Park and then the next day traveled to Moab Utah and hiked around Arches National Park.

Right after returning to Kentucky I got back in the car and took a "quick" trip up to Northern Wisconsin / Upper Peninsula of Michigan to visit with my parents who just moved there.  While we didn’t have much planned, we did visit the "mysterious" Paulding Lights and did quite a bit of paddling on the small lakes up there.

On top of all the travelling, we have been making some big personnel adjustments at work and I have been prepping for our annual charge conference at church.

It seems the month just started, but it is already over.  On Friday we will have our annual Halloween Bash and then we will moving into November.

It is crazy to think how quick months go by, especially since we only have 9 more until we leave the states for a decade or so.  C’est la vie.

Mikayla at the Children’s Museum

Beth and Mikayla at the Butterfly Pavilion

Foggy day at Dream lake in ROMO

Along the Trail Ridge Road in ROMO

At Delicate Arch in Arches NP

Paddling in the Sylvania Wilderness Area

Beth and I first began talking about a possible move to Africa nearly 3 years ago.  For over two years we have been looking to move to Swaziland in particular.  In July we visited with over 20 individuals and organizations to get a feel for where our place may be.  [If you want to look back at the journey so far, you can start here.]

After our trip this summer we felt very affirmed in our decision to move, but unsure of where we would end up.  Through careful discernment and lots of conversations, we were able to narrow it down to three locations.  All three seemed like viable options and all three were interested in the possibility of us joining them.  Although we might have had our leanings, we wanted to be sincerely open to whatever presented itself.

Eventually we found that one would probably not be possible financially and another didn’t have a position at the time that would fit our skill set.  So earlier this week, Beth and I were sitting on the couch and I said, "Well I guess that means we know where we will be working in Swaziland."  Beth answered, "Yup… I guess so."  And there it was… three years of research and discernment summed up in a 5 second conversation.  It was kind of anti-climactic, but at the same time very affirming; the decision was so clear it did not require any lengthy discussion, just a simple affirmation.

So now that you have read 3 (rambling) paragraphs, I am sure you are wondering what we have decided; so here you go:

As of July (tentatively) Beth, Mikayla and I will be moving to the lowveld of Swaziland Africa to work with Cabrini Ministries.  (You can read more about their work at their blog.)  I will help with strategic planning and development and Beth will help with education and psycho-social services.  There are still lots of details to work out, but we are very confident in our decision.

The amazing thing is that when we flew to Africa we had intentionally chosen not to meet with Cabrini.  You see part of what attracted us to Swaziland was the mountains and the temperate climate.  Cabrini has neither of those things; it is flat, dry, shrubby land and it gets hot—freakin’ hot—like 115 degrees hot.  We figured, if we had our choice, we would avoid that low lying area of the country.  However, people we met with kept encouraging us to check them out.  One gentleman at an NGO we met with told us point blank that we had to go there and that it would be a perfect fit for us.  So hesitantly we rearranged our plans and actually cancelled a planned trip to a game reserve to drive an hour out on dirt roads to visit this Catholic Mission in the "bush."

We met with Sister Diane, one of two Catholic nuns who works with Cabrini.  She showed us around (the whole community is only a few acres) and answered all of our questions.  She explained that what they were looking for was not a person to fill a job description, but people who could commit to their community and respond in love and compassion.

Even though it is a Catholic mission, it was obviously we had strong theological connections and that our view of ministry was very similar.  It was also obvious that St Phillips (where the ministry is located) would be an ideal place to be immersed in Swazi culture.  (You see, a vast majority of Swazis live on rural homesteads, yet most of the places Beth and I visited were in urban/suburban areas.)  Our hesitations mainly lay in the remote location and the weather – both things we are confident should come secondary to finding a location where we can actively contribute to a vibrant community doing good work.

When we returned to the States we stayed in contact with sisters and they told us they would discuss the practicalities of us working with them and get back to us in October.  One week later they wrote us with an informal job offer.  A few weeks after that we spent over an hour on the phone talking about what things might look like if we joined them.  Today I called them and let them know we would be accepting their offer.  We all are very excited and fit seems very natural. 

Overall the whole process has been incredible.  Over the course of the last several years, we have researched well over 100 possible locations in Swaziland where Beth and I could relocate with Mikayla.  Of those we felt 20 were places where we could reasonably contribute and be happy.  Even though many of these stood as strong possibilities, only three made our final list.  At the end, our choice of the one was undoubtedly the best fit for us as a family.  It is a place where we can be a part of good work that is already going on and contribute in ways that are meaningful and needed.  It has been quite the journey, but as I write this post I am completely confident in our decision.

We will post more as it develops, but I wanted to take the time to let you all know at least the basics of what our future holds.

Cheers,

-Ben, Beth and Mikayla

Here is a video of Mikayla being entertained by my slight of hand magic tricks.

She figures out early on that moving my hand makes a difference, but it takes her a bit to figure out exactly what is going on.

We have been back from Swaziland Africa for about a week.  It feels like we are living between worlds as we look to transition from a comfortable life in the States to the unexpected.  After two weeks on the ground researching options, Beth and I are absolutely confident we will be making the move in the next year (but we are still working out the specifics).

It is great to be back in Bowling Green and even better to be able to hold my daughter again.  That being said, every time I snuggle with her I am hit with a wave of emotion.  We are so lucky to have such a beautiful, well-behaved daughter; but at the same time, she is very lucky to have us.  I don’t say that because I think we are exceptional parents, but because in our time our Swaziland we met so many kids who aren’t as fortunate.

In Swaziland, a country of about a million people, there are an estimated 100,000 orphans and over 15,000 child-headed homes.  My mind cannot even comprehend that.  Most of them lost their parents due to HIV/AIDS, a disease that currently infects up to 40% of the population.  40% – again, my mind can’t even comprehend that and we even saw it with our own eyes.

An entire generation has been laid to waste by a horrible disease; the current life expectancy lies around 30 years of age and the was just recognized as having the highest death rate in the world.  For the most part grandparents (gogos) have stepped up to provide the care, but now many of those are dying of old age.  Thinking about what the next decade will look like for the country is like looking into a blackhole (UN estimates the Swazis could be wiped out as a people group by 2050 if things don’t change).

The point of this blog is not to just give grim statistics, but to share a bit about what I am feeling (and if you know me, I am not a very emotional person and rarely share things like this).

Knowing the situation has made me realize my love for Mikayla all the more.  Last night, before she went to bed, Beth and I gave her a group hug and she beamed up at us.  It was so cute but it made me ache for those who will never experience the safe embrace of two parents.  Every time she lays her head on my shoulder I have to fight back tears over those who cannot rest peacefully.  Today she got her shots and I was overwhelmed with emotion at thinking how fortunate she was to not only have access to medical care, but also to have someone to comfort her when she hurt.

When Mikayla was first born, I felt many of these same things but as time has gone on, those feelings have faded – until now.  What is worst is that I have no idea what to do.  I don’t know what the answer is.  In moving to Swaziland we can help some, but in the face of the current situation there, I still realize it is just a drop in the bucket.

Even though it hurts, I can’t say I desire the feelings of sadness to go away.  I want to live life conscious of the way things are and hopefully in doing so find the strength and ability to be a part of the healing process.

[Homes in Bulembu, some of which have been renovated for Orphan Care]