Fatherhood Fun Facts
This collection of Fatherhood Fun Facts have been slowly gathered through life experiences. It is updated with each new lesson.
1. It is easier to change a diaper than to clean the carpet
2. Vomit is not the only thing that can be projectile. There is such a thing as Projectile Poop.
3. Don’t leave a newborn’s bottom uncovered.
4. People are willing to trade food for a chance to look at/hold a newborn!
5. Many of the songs I was sung as a child are incredibly depressing. But they are much richer than the bubbly things popular today.
6. Sleep deprivation leads to hallucinations.
7. Just go along with it if the mother says she is already feeding her baby and insists you go take care of the other crying baby.
8. There is no such thing as “guardian squirrels” and looking under the bed in the middle of the night will not help you find them.
9. Every hospital in the world uses the same receiving blankets. They are all white with light blue and red stripes and they are ragged – there is no such thing as a brand new one.
10. No matter how much a father tries to comfort his child, sometimes he just does not have the right equipment.
11. Babies have the innate ability to know the exact moment you become productive… and then they start crying.
12. The “cuteness” of an outfit is inconsequential if it is hard to put on or requires 2+ steps to access the poop production plant.
13. You should not use the microwave to sterilize teething rings.
14. Its unfair when your body gets used to waking up ever 3-4 hours just when your baby starts sleeping through the night.
15. There comes a time where taking a shower is counted among the day’s accomplishments and eating lunch is an achievement
16. Babies who do not know they want to go to sleep often frustrate adults who do.
17. Babies can only truly understand things once they are able to put them into their mouths.
18. Early attempts at introducing baby food is much more similar to spackling a hole in drywall than to actual feeding.
19. It is best to wait for the grunting to stop before changing the diaper.
20. It is scary to think a child’s understanding of “normal” behavior will come largely from their interactions with their parents (especially for me).
21. Babies can sleep through loud noises and constant jostling, but not the act of laying them down in their crib.
22. You are surprised the first time your baby picks up a bad habit…then you remember who their parents are.
23. There is no such thing as “baby’s first words” just a point when you give them credit for their babbling.
24. There is absolutely no correlation between how hard you work during the day and how the house looks at the end of it.
Would love to hear how you learned lesson #8!