Dynamic Yet Consistent

What would happen if we were honest about character flaws?

How would things look different if we were willing to admit our shortcomings and if we were able to have honest conversations with those we love about theirs.

I know I have my issues.  I can be arrogant and self-centered.  I am over critical of others ideas and too often insist things go my way.  I am better at coming up with ideas than I am with implementing them.  I can be too goals-oriented and overlook the people involved.  I don’t always give people the benefit of the doubt and am impatient.  I procrastinate and sometimes don’t follow through with the things I commit to…. (I really could go on much longer, but that is the point of this post).

Since Mikayla was born, I have been much more introspective about who I am versus who I want to be.  I am idealistic by nature and want things to be the best they can be (which probably is as much a contributing factor to many of my flaws as it is a solution).  The problem is I don’t always know when I am exibihiting these behaviors.  What is worse is I am sure there are others I have not listed that I don’t even know about.

I want to work on these issues, but I also know that owning up to them is painful.  Towards the end of my high school years, I began realizing areas where I had been a jerk (and by jerk, I don’t mean just saying something hurtful… I am talking about being a real asshole).  I tried to make apologies where possible, but I know I was never able to right the wrongs.  Even now, I will be telling a story a cringe when I think back to some of my choices, or how I treated people.  It is painful for me to realize these flaws, but it is worse to not acknowledge them.

I not only want to be willing and able to examine my own life, but I want to have the kind of friends who are comfortable telling me when I am being an ass, or when I have stepped over the line, or when I need to buck up and apologize, or admit I was wrong.  I want to be a better person even if that means having some painful conversations, or having my pride hurt.

On the other side, I wish I was better at being honest with those I care about about things I see in their lives that concern me.  I have always been a direct person and rarely shy away from conflict.  But, if I am honest, most times I am direct it is for my own selfish reasons.  I have been hurt, and I want them to know.  Well, I want to be direct because I love my friends and family and want them to be better people — whether or not it affects me directly.

I have never really been one to gossip and talk about others, but I do find myself judging others actions much more frequently than I would like.  I assume people’s motives when I really have no idea.  Often when I have had difficult conversations with friends about why they do things that they do, I have realized my perspective was wrong in the first place.

If I were most honest with those I care about things that concern me, I believe one of two things is most likely to happen.  Either I will gain a deeper respect for them by understanding their perspective, or, they will hopefully take to heart my concerns and in the end be better people.

All too often we are not cognizant of our flaws in the same way those around us are.  We may not even realize we are hurting people with our words or actions.  Equally, when we think we understand someone else and wish their behavior was different, the fact of the matter is we simply may not understand the larger picture.

Being open and honest is almost always awkward and it is often painful, but I feel it makes us better people and allows us to understand and care for those around us in a deeper way.  I have seen friendships fail because people were unwilling to be honest about concerns or hurts and assumed the worst.

So, what would happen if we were open about our character flaws and receptive to others criticism and honest with those we care about about our concerns?

I can’t answer that globally, but I can say that those are the types of relationships I want to have.  I want to acknowledge my flaws and be aware of when they are showing through.  I want to know when I cross the line and when I hurt people so I can be a better person and so I can try and make things right.  I don’t want to judge and be critical of others actions and motives if I am not willing to have a straight forward conversation with them.    I want to be a better  person…. and… I want the same for you.