Dynamic Yet Consistent

Masturbation is the epitome of selfishness and represents the degradation and perversion of something selfless and beautiful.  Unfortunately the church (especially in America) can, and often does, display this same behavior.

However you look at it, masturbation is completely self-pleasing.  There is no consideration of others; all actions are based on selfish desires that are fulfilled in the easiest way possible.  It is often based in fantasies that are degrading and show fictive dominance.  It replaces relationships with internal transactions.  What is most troubling is that masturbation is based on something that is sacred and special: the sexual relationship between two people who love each other.  Sex provides intimate depth to relationships and has the potential to be an amazing example of self-less mutual pleasure.  Masturbation short-circuits all of this.

I have been in too many situations where local churches also short-circuit a beautiful design and replace it with something self-seeking.  The church is called to be the bride of Christ, the very hands and feet of an incarnate God.  The church is God’s agent of reconciliation in this hurting world.  The church is called to see a a better world and to partner with God to bring that about.  The church should be an outpost of hope by being a collection of broken people who find hope and direction in the promise of something more.  Yet all of this can get traded for a structure that is self-pleasing, lacks consideration for others, seeks easy fulfillment for selfish desires, can be degrading and dominant, and replaces relationships with internal transactions.  The existence of many churches is nothing more than a source of masturbatory fulfillment for its members.

This critique is most evident when one explores the finances of most churches.  Members “tithe” and “give their money to God” yet if you follow the paper trail, most of that money comes back to the members.  It is like a pay-as-you-can country club.    Consider this:

• In the United States roughly 1/3 of all tax-deductible donations went to houses of worship.
• That amounts to over 103 BILLION dollars ($130,000,000,000.00)
• Of that, “85 percent of all church activity and funds are directed toward the internal operations of the congregation”
• That means “Christians” spend over 87 BILLION dollars, money that was supposedly “given to God,” to benefit themselves.

According to a recent Christianity Today article:

The money given by the people in the pews, it turns out, is largely spent on the people in the pews. Only about 3 percent of money donated to churches and ministries went to aiding or ministering to non-Christians.

Talk about self-pleasuring!

It is troubling enough to see how selfish church budgets actually are. But, what is most devastating and deceptive is the fact that we do this in the name of God and think we are fulfilling his will.  We take the image of being faithful and stroke our own desires and needs with it.  We convince ourselves we are being self-sacrificing, but at the end of the day we are only meeting our own needs (not only within the church, but our need to feel we have contributed).

Lifeway Research presents similar findings.

It goes beyond just money.  Think about volunteer work within the church.  In your congregation what percent of opportunities to serve are simply tasks that are necessary to perpetuate the current structure.  Are these things actually furthering the Kingdom of God, or are they simply making sure we can enjoy the worship services and opportunities we have come to expect.

This self-seeking understanding of church and Christianity is deeply ingrained in how we think:

• We choose churches where the worship matches our preferences and the pastors are entertaining.
• We expect churches to provide programs that meet our needs.
• Welcome gifts are the norm – we are literally spending money on people so that they are more likely to join our selfish structure.  Tell me this, if someone comes in church with real hurt and needs redemption, is a coffee cup going to heal them?
• We market our churches (intentionally and unintentionally) so that we can appeal to the aesthetic needs of people and not the spiritual needs of people.
• Our sermons tend to focus on feel-good motivation and “practical application” and often avoids the difficult reality of who we are and we are called to be.  There is no expectation of real sacrifice.
• Very few churches reflect the diverse tapestry of the communities they serve.  How often do prostitutes and CEOs find themselves in the same Sunday School class?

We expect churches to meet our needs.  And by participating we not only personally reap the benefits, but we feel like we are fulfilling our spiritual obligations.  Instead of spiritual masturbating in private, we flaunt it in public, which makes it all the more disgusting.

Church Staff and Porn

If we are going to explore the nature of the church, we have to be willing to examine how church staffs operate.  The typical church budget pays out 50% for staff salaries.  A full half of our giving goes to pay professional spiritual people.  If churches themselves are examples of auto-erotic hedonism, then I believe the way we view church staff is not much different than the way individuals use pornography.

• Porn employs professionals to “do the dirty work” so actual relationships are not needed.
• Porn stimulates you so feel like you are in the experience when actually you have no real connection to what is going on.
• Porn is on demand you can call on it when you need to.  They work to fulfill your needs.
• Porn stars fake it so you get a better show.

Having worked at a church for several years, I know first hand that these are true of how staff are utilized as well.

• Parishioners feel like they are connected to “God’s Work” because they pay the salaries of people to actually do the things.  There is little need connect with actual people.  We expect the pastor to visit the sick, study the word, pray with the dying, help the needy.  As long as someone is doing those things we feel fulfilled.
• We expect church staff to not only do our spiritual dirty work, but also to meet our needs.  As long as our kids have good programming, the sermon is not boring and worship is engaging, we are happy.  We are more likely to criticize a pastor for not providing us with what we expect than we are to criticize the work they do beyond the walls of the church.
• Church staff members know they have to make things look good.  “Spiritual” words are sown into conversations to make things appear to be more important than they are.  We call mundane upkeep “ministry” so that people don’t realize we are still just reinforcing a selfish structure.

Don’t get me wrong, I know a good number of pastors and staff members who are embodying and expanding the incarnational love of Christ.  We can’t blame staff for the problems of the church — we are all in this together.  That being said, we must all acknowledge that paying pastors 6 figures while ignoring the plight of the poor and marginalize can be described as nothing short of sin.

Conclusion

In a world where 30,000 children die every day of preventable diseases, malnutrition and unclean water, and where the poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for only 5 percent of global income, it is unacceptable for the church to sit around pleasuring itself.  We can no longer be content with a view of Christianity that encourages selfishness while feeding the illusion of spiritual depth and community impact.  If the result of our involvement in church is that we feel better about ourselves, but do not understand how we can participate in the larger redemptive work of a loving God, then we are done nothing more than masturbated our needs and egos in the name of Christ.

“Self” is a prism of directionless ambiguity, yet it drives us.

We view the world through it, yet fail to understand how that same world shapes it.

“Self” is developed by the same personal and societal forces it is called to interpret.

We cannot perceive the world until we perceive our selves.

I think I have the most beautiful daughter in the world.  Just check out this picture from Halloween:

Every chance I get, I tell her she is beautiful.  Beth and I constantly ask ourselves, “Honestly, could she get any cuter?”  I feel like we were playing Russian Roulette with my looks being in the gene pool, and luckily she turned out pretty good looking (if in 10 years she has a uni-brow and a beard, you know who to blame).

But I will be honest with you, sometimes I worry about her being so beautiful.  Will she grow up and be vain?  Will she have difficulty understanding inner beauty because she always possessed outer beauty?  If (when) her outer beauty fades, will she allow it to bother her?

I ask these questions but at the end of the day I don’t really worry about them.  That’s because Mikayla has an amazing personality for a baby. She is content and inquisitive.  She would rather smile than cry.  She enjoys company and can play alone.

In fact, instead of worrying about her, I have found she has many things she can teach me.

• The joy of discovery – I am going to take credit for her constant fascination with everything around her.  I am pretty sure she gets spirit of inquiry from me.  However, whereas I usually approach things with a great deal of skepticism, Mikayla also approaches new things with joy and wonder.  She is excited about every new thing…. even when it turns out she does not like it (like with avocados).  Sometimes my own questioning brings about negativity.  I wish I were more like Mikayla and could find joy in every question and discovery.
• Approach everything with a smile – Mikayla’s first response to a situation is to smile.  It doesn’t matter if it is her mother reaching for her, or someone she has never met.  She is always happy to see you.  This is even true of things that might threaten her.  Our dog sometimes get skitish when Mikayla is on the floor.  Sometimes Shiloh will bark at her.  Still though, she smiles and laughs and loves.  If only I were so accepting.
• Explore your possibilities, but be content where you are – Mikayla is usually very happy where ever she is, whether it in her crib, on the floor, in someone’s arms, or in her car seat.  At the same time though, she is always looking around and exploring every nook and cranny.  However, she does not allow that inquiry to make her discontent.  She wants to know what’s on the other side of the crib, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy it there.  Mikayla uses the discovery process to better understand her current situation – not simply to try and replace it.  I wish I could have such an attitude.
• Let people know when you are hurting and how they can help – Beth and I have learned Mikayla’s various cries.  She lets us know when she is hungry or tired or has gas or when she just wants to be held.  She is able to tell us how we can help her.   Looking at myself, that is something I need to do better.  Even when I know I am hurting, it is rare for me to let people into my world so they can know how they can help me.

There is plenty we can learn from babies.  Unfortunately instead of letting them teach us, we all to often try to make them see things our way.  I hope in the years to come I can be a loving and effective teacher for my beautiful daughter, but more importantly, I hope I can always be her student and let her constantly teach me.

Every new parent comments on how quick their baby grows up.  It is true.  In 6 months Mikayla has doubled in size and transformed from being a fully dependant infant who couldn’t even keep her head up, to being an inquisitive, alert baby who now eats solid foods and always seems to be in a good mood.

Along the way we have taken a few pictures of her with a stuffed giraffe so we could better appreciate her transformation. (Beth has some earlier shots here.)  Here is where we have come from and where we are:

In addition to the giraffe pictures, we have our good friend Dallas Gillaim take some 6-month shots of Mikayla up on the hill at WKU.  If you will remember, he also took Mikayla’s newborn pictures.

Title Screen from "The Trap"

Go ahead… carve out 3 hours from your day.  You are going to want to watch this.  The following is a three part documentary produced by Adam Curtis and originally aired on the BBC.  It follows the philosophical underpinnings that have guided the way we understand the world for the past century and how that has affected everything from foreign policy to personal health to our notion of productivity.  The whole series hinges on how we understand the concepts of freedom and liberty.  This is quite timely given the political climate of the day and the obvious disconnect between various wings of society.  I have embedded a YouTube playlist for each episode so you can watch it through.  I have also included notes on each episode… but trust me, you want to watch the whole thing.

Episode 1 – Fuck You Buddy

I am sorry if the title offends you (if it makes things better… I was introduced to this documentary through a seminary class that required we watch it).  The title comes from an experiment developed by John Nash (the lead character in A Beautiful Mind) which supposed that the world operated best when people were selfish.  This segment details how game theory and other mathematical formulas convinced the world that the best way to view humanity was through a lens of suspicion where all people were obviously in it for themselves and every decision was motivated by self-interest and preservation.  This was the dominate mindset in the Cold War Era.  When we approach the whole world through a lens of distrust, it is amazing (and unfortunate) how we view society.

[Watch on YouTube]

Episode 2 – The Lonely Robot

In this episode Curtis continues to explore our desire for society and people to be predictable.  Perhaps it is a desire to understand, or perhaps it is a desire to control.  He looks at the development of the mental health field and our own understanding of what it means to be “normal.”  From here he explores the consequences of a world where everyone strives for an ideal that is, at best, arbitrary.  Curtis follows how this emphasis on standards spiraled out of control in a vain attempt to maximize productivity in all sectors… even if the measurements were pure conjecture.  These ideas (however flawed) were monumental in ushering in a new understanding of the free market.

[Watch on YouTube]

Episode 3 – We will Force you to be Free

After exploring the way we view ourselves and human nature, Curtis begins in earnest to explore our ideas of freedom.  Specifically he examines the concepts of Negative Liberty and Positive Liberty as made popular by Isaiah Berlin.  Negative Liberty is a freedom from coercion while Positive Liberty is the freedom to achieve one’s true potential.  The prior has been deemed the “safest” because the later has historically required force and oppression to bring about.  However,  following the path of negative liberty to its logical conclusions, as governments have done in the West for the past 50 years, results in a society without meaning populated only by selfish automatons.  The answer then must be a peaceful pursuance of Positive Liberty.

[Watch on YouTube]

Adam Curtis has always been known for producing provocative documentaries.  I am sure he overstates some items in this program and under reports others.  However, this program forces the viewer to examine the way in which they view the world and requires them to acknowledge how their understanding of society affects their interactions with it.

My wife is usually the one who makes posts about recipes, but tonight I cooked up something of my own that was worth posting.   We were wanting some hot chocolate and lamenting the fact that all we had was raw cocoa powder and most recipes we found online were fairly complex.  So we improvised and things turned out really well.  Here is what we came up with.

Ingredients:

• 3 1/2 cups milk
• 1/3 cup cocoa powder
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Pinch of salt

Directions:

Combine all the ingredients into a  1 quart Nalgene bottle (obviously wide-mouth is the way to go) righten the lid and shake.  After all ingredients are mixed, unscrew the lid but leave it in place.  Microwave for 3-4 minutes until hot.  Serve in mugs with marshmallows. Enjoy.

Of course the Nalgene just makes things easier.  You could always mix the ingredients in a container of your choosing and serve it however you want.

siSwati Prayer

[UPDATED: 21 June 2013]

SiSwati is one of two official languages in the Kingdom of Swaziland (English being the other).  It is a Bantu language and of the Nguni sub-group.  It shares significant similarities to Zulu, and native speakers find the languages mutually intelligible.

Swaziland uses English in business and governmental settings, but siSwati is considered the native tongue.  For perspective, if you are in a meeting in Swaziland people will usually speak English, but when you go lunch the discussion will usually be in siSwati.

In our own quest to learn siSwati we have found that since only one million people speak it as a first language (3 Million overall), it has been a bit difficult to find helpful resources.  It is hard enough (impossible) to find a local speaker in the US, let alone a teacher or lessons.  Thus, I have tried to pull together a list of online and print resources.  I hope this list is helpful for other people who may be in a similar situation trying to learn siSwati.

Peace Corp Material:

By far the most current and widely available material comes from the Peace Corp.  They provide a pre-departure pack that includes a study manual and accompanying MP3s.  It is far from comprehensive, but it does a great job of getting you used to the language and introducing you to basic phrases.  You won’t be able to communicate with just this material, but you will be able to be polite. Here are the links to the pre-departure materials:

• siSwati Language Lessons
• Introduction MP3
• Lesson 1 MP3
• Lesson 2 MP3
• Lesson 3 MP3
• Lesson 4 MP3
• Lesson 5 MP3
• Lesson 6 MP3
• Lesson 7 MP3
• Lesson 8 MP3

The above material is the most current, but it is not the most comprehensive.  You may also benefit from their older publications.

• siSwati Language Handbook – Download from ERIC, Published 1980, 116 pages.  This is primarily a collection of narratives in English and siSwati.  Helpful for an intermediate learner, but the language is a bit dated.
• Understanding and Speaking siSwati – Download from ERIC, Published 1969, 449 pages.  This is comprehensive manual, but unfortunately it is quite dated as many of the language conventions and phrases have changed.

The Peace Corp has also just released a new manual for its Swaziland Volunteers and it is very nice.  It is a great mix of useful information, important phrases and essential grammar.  It is the best resource I have found that pulls together what you need to begin learning siSwati.  Unfortunately it has not been publicly released, although if you send me an email, I will try to point you in the right direction.  If Peace Corp puts it out for general use, I will certainly link to it here.

Print Materials:

Unfortunately, I have not been able to come across a single print resource that effectively pulls together everything you need to learn the language (especially if you are trying to teach yourself.)  However, I have found the books listed below, when used together, provide a great base to build on.  I have provided links to the Amazon and Google Books pages so you can get the details on the books (ISBN, book cover, etc.)

• Handbook of siSwati – Published 1991, 175 pages.  This is a course book for classes at UNISA and thus takes a more academic approach.  This is where you are going to learn about grammatical structure and parsing. (Amazon | Google)
• Essential siSwati – Published 1981, revised 1990, 80 pages.  This is a basic phrasebook designed to be a quick reference.  It also includes stem charts.  It is a great companion to understand how actual siSwati phrases are formed.  I have found some of the phrases are a bit dated. (Amazon | Google)
• Concise siSwati Dictionary – Published 1981, 187 pages.  Neither of the above books do a good job of teaching vocabulary, so you really need a dictionary.  Just know that because of the way siSwati works, you have to have a basic understanding of the language before you can even use this.  It too is an older resource and some of the words are “Deep siSwati” instead of daily use.   (Amazon | Google)
• Silulu SesiSwati – Published 2010, 452 pages.  This new dictionary was recently published as part of a large African Languages collaboration.  It boasts to have been the first dictionary compiled by native speakers.  It provides English > siSwati as well as siSwati > English translations, but is a better resource for those looking to learn English.  Much more up to date than the above dictionary, but is missing key works, and doesn’t do a great job of explaining the differences in various translations (i.e. which are transitive and intransitive forms).  However, if I was only getting one dictionary, I would choose this one for sure. It is often referred to as “The Red Dictionary” (as opposed to the Blue one above) for its plain red design.  (Google)

I have seen all of these books in Swaziland (Websters in Manzini has had all three, CNA in Mbabane and Manzini usually have least couple of them).  We were also able to find them online, but we had to search around for them.  Besides Amazon (US), here are a couple other places you can look:

• Africa Book Centre
• Schoenhofs.com
• Amazon.co.uk
• Kalahari.com
• Bay Foreign Language Books
• Bounty Books

Memorization:

Of course to learn siSwati (or any language) you first need to memorize vocab and prefixes/suffixes.  I have tried many different options in the past, but recently discovered Anki.  It is an easy-to-use flashcard program that works on computers and mobile devices.  If you use your computer or Android, it is free (iTunes charges a small fee).    It uses algorithms to focus your study time on new and difficult words while stilling keeping the words you know in your memory. You can find out more on the Anki Website.

The best way to learn is to create the “deck” of anki cards yourself, but if you want to go with a short cut, I have upload an excel sheet of 550 siSwati words and phrases from my anki deck.  It took me about two months to learn these at 30 minutes per day.

• 550 siSwati word list (xls)

Everyone is going to learn their own way, but I found it helpful to prioritize these words into 3-4 groups based on importance  and frequency (and upload in appropriate batches).  Then I focused on seeing the siSwati and knowing the English.  As I got used to these words, I also included the English word and had to know the siSwati translation. (This is easily accomplished by simply typing selecting the “Show Reverse” option on appropriate cards.)

It took me about two months to learn these by using Anki 30 minutes per day.    That base allows me to pick up key words in conversation and also have the most basic of conversations (assuming you know some grammar rules to accompany it).

Grammar Notes:

Knowing vocabulary is useless if you can’t put it together into meaningful sentences (or be able to parse sentences given to you.)  Learning the grammar is way outside the scope of this post, but I can tell you that to have a basic understanding of siSwati, you have to understand noun prefixes, verbal extensions, morphemes, subject concords and object concords.  If that already makes sense to you (or you are willing to learn from the books listed above), then this siSwati Cheat Sheet might be helpful.

Other Resources:

Another resource to look into once you begin getting a basic understanding is YouTube.  There are several videos posted in siSwati (mostly religious) which will be helpful in practicing comprehension.  This one is particularly helpful because it includes English subtitles: Thandiwe

I had the opportunity to talk with a headmaster at a school in Swaziland.  I asked him which resources he would recommend and here is what he had to say:

The best book (if you can obtain it) is from the Sebenta National Institute called ‘siSwati Setfu’ translated ‘Our siSwati’ and was a joint venture publication between the Sebenta National Institute and the US Government, under contract no. 79-042-100.

I have not been able to track it down, but if you do, please let me know where.

—

Hopefully the above resources will be helpful if you are one of the very few who want to teach yourself siSwati.  I will continue to update this post as I find more.

Beth and I have been married for 5 years and for those most part, we have been conflict free. That has all changed in the last month. I know I should not air out our dirty laundry for the whole blogosphere, but I have to get this off my chest.

Ever since the weather has gotten colder, Beth has been on this baby leg warmer kick. We probably have 10 pairs either in the house or on order. I think they are hideous (Think 1980’s aerobics outfits meet grandpa’s sock drawer). Have a look for yourself. Beth has written a blog post about how much she loves these leg warmers. Here is a picture of our daughter wearing them:

Mikayla's Baby Legs

Here is the rub… I am not against the “idea” of these infant accessories — in fact, I think they are brilliant. You can keep your baby’s legs warm without having to deal with an extra pair of pants when changing diapers. You can keep them in the damper bag and always have an option if it gets cold. The problem is they are so gosh-darn ugly. No self-respecting father is going to put pink argyle leg warmers on his baby and take her out into public.

Rather than try to convince Beth to lay off purchasing these things (Hey, at least she only buys $7 knit tubes and not $7,000 jewelery — I can live with that), I have decided to advocate for the perfect pair. Something that is functional and not floundering in fashion faux pas. Here is what I want to see. I want a pair of black leg warmers made out of water-proof soft-shell material and complete with adjustable elastic bands. That way it will super-warm; it will match (most) every outfit; they will stay up on little Mikayla; and best of all, if (when) she spits up on them, you don’t have to replace them, you only have to wash them off. Now that is a pair of leg warmers I could get behind.

Until we find a pair like that, I guess Beth and I will just have to continue butting heads. I think we will make it through it. 🙂

I am a discontent person.  Just ask my wife or co-workers.

Its not that I walk around all day and mope about how life sucks and I got the short end of the stick; far from it.  I feel incredibly lucky.  I have a great family, a wonderful life and the freedom to do the things I enjoy.

For me, discontentment is not about what we have or our personal lives, but rather it is about the way things could be.  I become discontent when I believe there is a better way.  I am the kind of guy who can spend an hour trying to figure out the best way to do a 15 minute task. [Side Story: When I kid I was responsible for bringing up the firewood to the house.  I tried every conceivable way to make the process easier but usually ended up carrying it up by hand.  After a year or two I finally realized the shortest way was not the best way and was able to perfect “The Wheel Barrel Technique” and thus finally suceeded at finding “The Better Way.”]

I tend to look at the world in the same way.  Sure there is a lot of good going on — especially in this country, but I refuse to be content because I know things can be better.  I am convinced this is because of my understanding of the Christian Narrative.  The story of God’s interaction with Creation and Humanity is not about a magic wand where all things are set right (I would even argue the cross is not the final solution).  Instead, it a constantly evolving story of redemption where each generation is called to take the torch and continue to partner with YHWH in making the world a better place.  The message of Creator-God is constant: I will bless my people so that they can be a blessing to ALL THE NATIONS.

Yes I am discontent.  But, that is because I refuse to be content in a world where there is still genocide and human trafficking and corporate exploitation and racism and rape as a weapon of war and….

It would easy to curl up into a ball and enjoy my happy life.  To be thankful that my family has healthcare and a warm home.  To use my disposable income for personal pleasures and to ignore the plight of so many who do with so little.  But I can’t.  I can’t because I don’t believe we have yet arrived.  I don’t believe where we are as a community, country, society, world is good enough.  I am discontent because I believe there is a better way.  I believe we have a long way to go and I want to be a part of getting there.

Below I have included a video (I am pretty sure you are going to have to go to youtube to watch it) and the lyrics from one of my favorite songs: Better Way by Ben Harper.  He has one stanza that I often repeat to myself whenever I find myself moving from a healthy discontentment into cynicism: What good is a man who won’t take a stand // What good is a cynic with no better plan.

In looking to live out “a better way” I am constantly aware that it is not enough to simply be discontent with the way things are, but we must be active in bringing it about.  It is like Gandhi said: “You must be the change you wish to see.”

Better Way – Ben Harper

I’m a living sunset
Lightning in my bones
Push me to the edge
But my will is stone

Fools will be fools
And wise will be wise
But i will look this world
Straight in the eyes

What good is a man
Who won’t take a stand
What good is a cynic
With no better plan

Reality is sharp
It cuts at me like a knife
Everyone i know
Is in the fight of their life

Take your face out of your hands
And clear your eyes
You have a right to your dreams
And don’t be denied

I believe in a better way

My vivid dreaming and pleasant slumber is interrupted by the sound of frantic crying heard through the tinny speakers of the baby monitor.  I am jolted to consciousness as I suddenly realize my setting and that my daughter is obviously in need of parental comforting.

“What time is it?” I ask my still-groggy wife with a nervous urgency revealing the high stakes that rest on the answer. Early in Mikayla’s life I asked that question because I was sleep deprived and had no sense of time and needed to get my bearings.  Later, I asked so that I could gauge how long she was sleeping and how close she was to the magic destination of “sleeping through the night.”  Now I ask knowing there is a lot more riding on the answer.

You see Beth and I play a game called Late-night Baby Russian Roulette.  In order to share the burden caused by nighttime feedings, dirty diapers and Mikayla’s recent bout with evening gassiness, we have developed a system.  Any crying before 1:30am I have to deal to with (since she is probably not hungry) and anything after 1:30 Beth deals with.  (Somehow I also ended up with post-feeding post-1:30 crying as well).  So now when I ask what time it is, I know the answer can either catapult me out of the warm cocoon of my bed or give me permission to, in good conscious, put the pillow over my head to drown out the sobs as I drift back to sleep.  You never know which is in the chamber when the baby monitor goes off.

“What time is it?”

BANG – 1:10am

Dang…. I’m hit…. and you get a blog post.