Thinking about the kids
We have been back from Swaziland Africa for about a week. It feels like we are living between worlds as we look to transition from a comfortable life in the States to the unexpected. After two weeks on the ground researching options, Beth and I are absolutely confident we will be making the move in the next year (but we are still working out the specifics).
It is great to be back in Bowling Green and even better to be able to hold my daughter again. That being said, every time I snuggle with her I am hit with a wave of emotion. We are so lucky to have such a beautiful, well-behaved daughter; but at the same time, she is very lucky to have us. I don’t say that because I think we are exceptional parents, but because in our time our Swaziland we met so many kids who aren’t as fortunate.
In Swaziland, a country of about a million people, there are an estimated 100,000 orphans and over 15,000 child-headed homes. My mind cannot even comprehend that. Most of them lost their parents due to HIV/AIDS, a disease that currently infects up to 40% of the population. 40% – again, my mind can’t even comprehend that and we even saw it with our own eyes.
An entire generation has been laid to waste by a horrible disease; the current life expectancy lies around 30 years of age and the was just recognized as having the highest death rate in the world. For the most part grandparents (gogos) have stepped up to provide the care, but now many of those are dying of old age. Thinking about what the next decade will look like for the country is like looking into a blackhole (UN estimates the Swazis could be wiped out as a people group by 2050 if things don’t change).
The point of this blog is not to just give grim statistics, but to share a bit about what I am feeling (and if you know me, I am not a very emotional person and rarely share things like this).
Knowing the situation has made me realize my love for Mikayla all the more. Last night, before she went to bed, Beth and I gave her a group hug and she beamed up at us. It was so cute but it made me ache for those who will never experience the safe embrace of two parents. Every time she lays her head on my shoulder I have to fight back tears over those who cannot rest peacefully. Today she got her shots and I was overwhelmed with emotion at thinking how fortunate she was to not only have access to medical care, but also to have someone to comfort her when she hurt.
When Mikayla was first born, I felt many of these same things but as time has gone on, those feelings have faded – until now. What is worst is that I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what the answer is. In moving to Swaziland we can help some, but in the face of the current situation there, I still realize it is just a drop in the bucket.
Even though it hurts, I can’t say I desire the feelings of sadness to go away. I want to live life conscious of the way things are and hopefully in doing so find the strength and ability to be a part of the healing process.
[Homes in Bulembu, some of which have been renovated for Orphan Care]