{"id":212,"date":"2009-06-28T03:03:47","date_gmt":"2009-06-28T08:03:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/?p=212"},"modified":"2009-06-28T05:37:52","modified_gmt":"2009-06-28T10:37:52","slug":"driscoll-slams-stay-at-home-dads","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/2009\/06\/28\/driscoll-slams-stay-at-home-dads\/","title":{"rendered":"Driscoll slams stay-at-home dads"},"content":{"rendered":"

It has been a long time since something has really gotten my blood boiling, but at 1:00 in the morning while I waiting on videos to render I came across this video.<\/p>\n

Let me give a disclaimer first.\u00a0 I have always approached Mark Driscoll with some hesitancy.\u00a0 Most of the time I don’t disagree with what he is saying, but I do question his delivery.\u00a0 To put it simply, I tend to put the emphasis different things.<\/p>\n

That being said, this commentary on gender roles is completely out of line and personally offensive.\u00a0 In case you don’t know, I am currently a stay-at-home dad and this was a decision Beth and I did not take lightly, but are completely happy and at peace with the decision.<\/p>\n

Okay, enough with the disclaimers — on to the video:<\/p>\n

<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=1WPVxndUcHQ<\/a><\/p>\n

Lets start with delivery before we dive into the deeper points.\u00a0 I am convinced Mark thinks he is a better pastor if he drives people out of his church.\u00a0 He seems to take an arrogant pleasure in the fact that some of the stuff he is saying will piss people off and cause them to leave (by the way… this seems to be par for the course<\/a>.)\u00a0 I am sure he would say he is sticking to his guns in the face of a fickle society.\u00a0 Don’t get me wrong, Christians need to be unwavering on some issues and refuse to compromise.\u00a0 However, even on issues that stand at the core of Christian belief, there is no need to enter the conversation by speaking down to those who hold opposing views.\u00a0 There is no room for discussion or clarification.\u00a0 For Driscoll, this is how it is and everyone else can go to hell.\u00a0 It is one thing if he takes this attitude on things like the divinity of Christ, but he is talking about stay-at-home dads here.\u00a0 If I remember correctly (and I too have read the whole Bible) there is no definitive passage addressing the evils of stay-at-home dadding, so we are all forced to interpret secondarily what the witness of scripture is.<\/p>\n

Continuing with my critique of Driscoll’s tone, I must call him out for on some of the offensive things he said (and implies).\u00a0 First, I think it is clear that Driscoll thinks all stay-at-home dads are deadbeats.\u00a0 Forget his theological rational, his argument revolves around an assumption that it is not manly to stay at home.\u00a0 Furthermore, he basically says that men suck at nurturing.\u00a0 That may be the case for him, as he clearly admits, but lets not paint with too broad of a brush.\u00a0 His statements about men not being cut out for the job of staying at home relies on stereotypes, is short-sighted and is offensive to those who do a great job (may I point to my man Lee Fowlkes<\/a>.)\u00a0 Furthermore, he builds his case on the assumption that women cannot adequately provide.\u00a0 These comments are not based on biblical exegesis, but on ignorance.\u00a0 If he wanted to make statements about the topic from a (conservative) biblical viewpoint he could have said something like “The bible outlines certain roles each gender should follow.\u00a0 To deviate from those is a sin.”\u00a0 Saying that would have been more biblically based without conveying arrogance, ignorance or hate.\u00a0 The bible does not give him the right to judge the effectiveness of males parenting\/nurturing skills.<\/p>\n

Now, on to his arguments.\u00a0 Driscoll bases most of his discussion his interpretation of 1 Timothy 5:8<\/p>\n

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

He has taken the phrase “does not provide for his relatives” to mean the “a man should be the breadwinner.”\u00a0 But be careful here and go back and read the verse.\u00a0 Is it addressed to men?\u00a0 No!\u00a0 The verse says “anyone” who does not provide for his relatives… So a wife not providing is as bad as a husband.\u00a0 This is bolstered when you realize this whole segment of 1 Timothy is addressing how to care for widows.\u00a0 Paul addresses gender roles, but he doesn’t do it here.\u00a0 Even if you take traditional approach to Christian gender roles and insist on the male being the head of the household, you must admit scripture does not say the man must bring home the bacon.<\/p>\n

Since Driscoll is a man who values “The Word” lets take a look at the word.\u00a0 In 1 Timothy the word for provide is pronoeo<\/a> <\/em>and has nothing to do with providing physically.\u00a0 Instead, it implies thinking ahead (pro=before) and planning.\u00a0 It is used 3 times in the NT and tends to carry an administrative nuance.\u00a0 So even if this did apply to directly and only to men (which it doesn’t), a first year seminary student could tell you the exegesis doesn’t allow for a reading that points primarily to providing physically. <\/span>Driscoll says “if you are an able bodied man it is your job to provide for the needs of your family” and then he goes on to talk about work and material provision.\u00a0 Where is he getting this, because he sure didn’t get it out 1 Timothy. He is clearly reading what he wants to into the text.\u00a0 Even if we throw the greek (and context) out, we must admit that “providing for a family” is a multi-faceted thing.\u00a0 A father could provide all the money in the world, but if he is not taking his turn changing diapers, he is worse than an unbeliever (sarcasm intended). If anything, American fathers need to know that God calls them to provide holistically for their families.\u00a0 The last thing we need is more distant fathers.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cIf our father is our basis for God, and our fathers abandoned us, then what does that tell you about God?\u201d – Tyler Durden in Fight Club<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Okay… lets look a bit deeper at how he chooses to answer the question.\u00a0 The question was “What are your thoughts on stay-at-home dads if the mother really wants \/ needs to work.”\u00a0 His answer reveals his convictions on gender roles.\u00a0 Not only does he speak out against men staying home while women work, he makes it clear he believes a woman’s place is at home.<\/p>\n

Personally, if a woman wants that, I think its a great option.\u00a0 BUT… it is not the only option.\u00a0 Again, even if you go into a discussion of gender roles, we have to understand what scripture says and doesn’t say.\u00a0 It clearly does not say a woman should stay at home with the kids.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Driscoll bashes the “culturally relevant” argument, but in doing so he neglects the social situation of the day.\u00a0 Thank God we have come a long way as a society and women now have choices and are not considered property.\u00a0 Lets not adopt an archaic social structure (i.e. slavery) just because scripture addresses that cultural circumstance.\u00a0 But again, that is not even relevant because scripture is silent on whether women should stay at home.\u00a0 But I digress… I want to return to affirm women who choose to stay at home.\u00a0 I think this is a much better option than paying someone else to raise your children.\u00a0 Likewise, if women do work, I think that is a perfectly fine model as well — as long as your family is being cared for.<\/p>\n

Lets return to Driscoll’s argument and something his wife says: “”It is hard to respect a man who does not provide…we need to take the word seriously.”\u00a0 While I agree it would be hard to respect a man who does not care for his family, lets not forget “the word” does not use this phrase to address material, but actually care and foresight.\u00a0 She then quotes Titus and Paul’s words to this young missionary.\u00a0 Again, if we look at the context, Paul is giving some suggestions on what to teach to a new church.\u00a0 There is one phrase in chapter 2 that says “women should be busy at home.”\u00a0 Now… is there enough in those 6 words to base your entire post-marriage career path on?\u00a0 I think not.\u00a0 Can a woman (or man) be busy at home and have a job.\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Just ask my wife!<\/p>\n

Lets end on a Driscolls closing.\u00a0 He says there is nothing in scripture that allows for this sort of family structure.\u00a0 First, I would also point out there is nothing in scripture that clearly lays out the structure he insists on (mother at home, dad bringing home the bacon).\u00a0 But more importantly, I would disagree with him.\u00a0 We do have a model of this.\u00a0 Check out Lydia in Acts 16:<\/p>\n

\n
Lydia’s Conversion in Philippi<\/h5>\n

11<\/sup>From Troas we put out to sea and sailed straight for Samothrace, and the next day on to Neapolis. 12<\/sup>From there we traveled to Philippi, a Roman colony and the leading city of that district of Macedonia. And we stayed there several days.<\/p>\n

13<\/sup>On the Sabbath we went outside the city gate to the river, where we expected to find a place of prayer. We sat down and began to speak to the women who had gathered there. 14<\/sup>One of those listening was a woman named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth from the city of Thyatira, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. 15<\/sup>When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” And she persuaded us.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

40<\/sup>After Paul and Silas came out of the prison, they went to Lydia’s house, where they met with the brothers and encouraged them. Then they left.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The text clearly shows a woman working outside the house.\u00a0 The household is identified by her name rather than her husband’s and she is in a prestigious business.\u00a0 I will grant a couple points: She was not a christian when described as working, it is possible her husband is dead \/ she is not married.\u00a0 However, what I find important here is that the text is neutral and does not paint Lydia’s work outside the home as a bad thing.<\/p>\n

Lets get personal for a second.\u00a0 Beth and made the decision together for me to be a stay-at-home dad.\u00a0 We realized that we could provide for our family best if she worked and I stayed home.\u00a0 We are not giving into cultural trends, we are biblically asking how we can best provide and following through.\u00a0 Let me say this too.\u00a0 Beth is not working just so she can make the money to sustain the family.\u00a0 She is working because the job she has allowed for more ministry than anything I could get.\u00a0 Plus, it freed me up to engage in ministry of my own that I would not be able to do if I was working full time.\u00a0 Forget killing two birds with one stone, we just took out a flock of geese with a boulder: Beth can minister as a teacher, I can minister during the day, Mikayla is raised primarily by her parents, financially we can give more to charity and the church…. and the list goes on.<\/p>\n

Driscoll’s conclusion to the question asked is very direct: unless there are extreme circumstances, it is outside God’s will for a man to be a stay-at-home dad.\u00a0 He even goes as far as saying such an action would require church discipline.\u00a0 Once again, I must ask… on what grounds?\u00a0 It is so frustrating to hear his pastor rail so heavily on the importance of the scripture, yet when you take even cursory glance at his arguments you realize his preconceived views are more heavily at play than the authority of scripture.\u00a0 We aren’t even discussing interpretation of difficult passages.\u00a0 Driscoll is ignoring the context and running with a flawed ideal.<\/p>\n

This is not just about me getting my feelings hurt.\u00a0 This man is calling into question the career and family life of a significant number of godly people.\u00a0 Heaven forbid godly men and women abandon their life just because some pastor misreads (or ignores) the implications of Scripture.\u00a0 If Beth and I were to act on his advice and take up his model for a godly family, we would be living on less, giving less, Mikayla would have less time with her parents, Beth would leave a job she loves and I would have to take a job I hate, our opportunities for ministry would decrease and our stress would increase.\u00a0 Is that really the biblical ideal of providing for one’s family.\u00a0 I think not.<\/p>\n

I would leave his church over statements like this (and perhaps that would only stoke his ego) because I think they are dangerous and ignorant.<\/p>\n

Beth and I are not ignoring the call of God, we are embodying it.\u00a0 We are not clinging to culture and rejecting biblical truth, we are clinging to godliness and rejecting naivety and closemindedness.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, after writing over 2000 words on the matter my blood pressure has returned to normal and maybe I can get some sleep. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

*I found this video while searching for stay-at-home dad blogs.\u00a0 HT to athomedaddy<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It has been a long time since something has really gotten my blood boiling, but at 1:00 in the morning while I waiting on videos to render I came across this video. Let me give a disclaimer first.\u00a0 I have always approached Mark Driscoll with some hesitancy.\u00a0 Most of the time I don’t disagree with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,19,21],"tags":[108,106,759,111,112,110,105,92,66,109,38],"class_list":["post-212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-faith","category-family","category-thoughts","tag-beth","tag-driscoll","tag-family","tag-gender","tag-gender-roles","tag-lydia","tag-mark-driscoll","tag-mikayla","tag-stay-at-home-dad","tag-work","tag-youtube"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=212"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":218,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212\/revisions\/218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kickert.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}